Sigh. I am still infertile. I was reading another infertile's blog today. She had a picture of a gyno exam table complete with stirrups, and the headline "Where the Magic Happens." It made me cry...not dainty tears, but full out sobbing at my desk. That's where our 'magic' happened too; in an office, on a table, not at home, not just the two of us.
Yes, I am pregnant now. Yes, I am beyond grateful everyday. Yes, I am lucky. Unfortunately, the hurt and fear is still there just below the surface. Sometimes, when people ask me when I am due I have to put in a disclaimer, "Well, if everything works out." This, of course, makes people stare at you like you are CRAZY person.
I am already planning out when we need to start treatments again. What if things aren't so easy next time? MH just wants to forget. So, here I am. Alone. I still don't feel like a 'success story,' but I don't really fit in with those who are still fighting the good fight.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
20w: Halfway!!!!
I can't believe I am halfway there, or I guess that Savannah is halfway here!!! She is about the size of a banana, 10 inches head to foot and 10 1/2 ounces.
We had a fun weekend. Daddy went crazy in Babies R' Us! We bought some toys, bibs, bouncer, Johnnie Jump Up thing, high chair, and swing. Oh, and we bought our car seat at another baby store in Charleston. I think daddy wanted to buy more more, but I wanted there to be somethings left for other people to buy! We also bought our video camera.
We are going to be renting the house MH is staying in CT which is great news. No deposits, no icky landlords, no apartment searching! Plus, we have a garage, free internet, yard, and they will pay half the satellite bill! I am so excited. One more big thing down!!!!
We had a fun weekend. Daddy went crazy in Babies R' Us! We bought some toys, bibs, bouncer, Johnnie Jump Up thing, high chair, and swing. Oh, and we bought our car seat at another baby store in Charleston. I think daddy wanted to buy more more, but I wanted there to be somethings left for other people to buy! We also bought our video camera.
We are going to be renting the house MH is staying in CT which is great news. No deposits, no icky landlords, no apartment searching! Plus, we have a garage, free internet, yard, and they will pay half the satellite bill! I am so excited. One more big thing down!!!!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
19w1d: Mother's Day
Miss Savannah got me a dozen red roses for Mother's Day...isn't she just the sweetest girl in the world???!!! Baby girl is the size of an Heirloom tomato today (about 6 inches head to rump, and 9 oz.)
We had a great weekend visiting friends in DC. We even had a tour of the West Wing!!!! VIP all the way! Unfortunately, I was really exhausted by the end of the weekend. I even had to take Monday off. It's so hard adjusting to not being able to go full-force anymore. I don't know how people survive being pregnant and having a toddler!!!
Not much else to report. I have my next doctor's appointment on the 20th. I hope that my weight gain is OK.
We had a great weekend visiting friends in DC. We even had a tour of the West Wing!!!! VIP all the way! Unfortunately, I was really exhausted by the end of the weekend. I even had to take Monday off. It's so hard adjusting to not being able to go full-force anymore. I don't know how people survive being pregnant and having a toddler!!!
Not much else to report. I have my next doctor's appointment on the 20th. I hope that my weight gain is OK.
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