I'm so ready for the first trimester to be over. I thought (and promised myself) that I was going to enjoy this precious time blah, blah, blah. I can't. I just freaking can't. I'm terrified around the clock. I use all my distraction techniques, but I can't block out the fear.
This morning I thought I had some spotting, but it was just the discharge from my prometrium suppositories. I know this sounds dumb, but the yellow gunk on pink underwear looks kind of spotting like. So, yet another pair of underwear I can't wear. I don't wear any underwear that I can't clearly detect spotting in. I also have to use a special stall in the bathroom at work that has the most light so I can thoroughly inspect both the TP and my undies. This is not to gross you out, but simply illustrative of how crazy I feel.
I really thought after seeing the heartbeat I'd be able to relax a little bit. Well, actually I did for a whole 12 hours after the ultrasound. I suspect that the fear is getting a little stronger because my next u/s is on Wednesday. I'm so afraid that the baby has died, and my body hasn't caught on and we'll be staring a a blank screen on Wednesday.
I'm also driving those around me insane with all my worrying. I can't make it stop. I'm beginning to wonder if having a child is the best choice for my mental health. Everyone says the worry never stops. I can't feel this way for the rest of my life....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment