I am NOT a complete CRAZY PERSON

HA! Dewy and I have found a new hobby...we are obsessed with reading infertility blogs (particularly the success stories). It is so nice to hear how the 'other half lives.' Believe me I didn't think I was the only game in town, but the sheer number of blogs about infertility out there is AMAZING. It's heartbreaking to see how many people occupy our corner of Hell on Earth, but at the same time is comforting...WE ARE NOT ALONE! For me the isolation of infertility is one of the most painful aspects (besides the obvious!). When you read these blogs you see many common themes: hope, sex, money, anger, depression, excitement, anxiety, and loneliness. It makes you feel that you are not going silently insane. These women have been there; they have survived, and they have babies to show for it! These ladies get 'it!' Very few infertiles actually 'know' another infertile. I am exceedingly lucky that I have Dewy. I hate that infertility renewed our friendship, but I literally cried at my computer with a mixture of sadness, and a bit of relief when she emailed me back that she too was infertile. I am ashamed to admit that there was relief in the mix, but the solace of her company has been immeasurable...she, for better or worse gets 'it.' It's bizarre how connected you feel to these strangers on the internet. I check my favorite blogs everyday to see how everyone is doing. I have found myself praying for these strangers; that they get pregnant, that their babies stick, and that their babies are healthy. It is a powerful connection that I can't really explain. Maybe this is how soldiers feel returning from battle; a sense of community and truly knowing how someone has suffered. You simply can't understand unless you too, have been in the trenches. I am also ashamed to admit how lucky I sometimes feel. There are many women out there whose situations are far worse than mine. It is difficult to gain perspective when there is literally no one to compare yourself to in real life. Some of the infertiles' stories also make me profoundly grateful. Some women are shunned by their families because they are choosing to undergo fertility treatments. I never realized how controversial fertility treatments can be...this is a post for another time. I can't imagine my parents telling me that is not 'God's will' for me to have children...as if they can even know God's will...give me a break! I can't imagine my in-laws yelling and screaming at me that it is my fault that their son can't have children, or that there couldn't possibly be something wrong with their son. I'm lucky that I don't have any smug fertile friends who tell me to 'just relax', or that it 'will happen when the time is right,' or to 'get drunk' or to 'go on vacation', or to 'have sex every other day, on the full moon, standing up' or what ever else worked for their cousin's friend's half-sister. I don't have to endure baby showers, nosy relatives, or pregnancy announcements every other day. Some women are forced by their circumstances to see doctors who only see dollar signs, are incompetent, indifferent, negative, condescending, dismissive, or all of the above. So, yes, I am lucky...not that I can always maintain this zen-like, peaceful state...after all tomorrow is another day. Gratitude is something that I am working on! Everything may not be sunshine and roses, but at least I am in good company.