The Gateway Drug

Well, I have officially waded into the kiddie pool! Last night I dropped some clomid. My hand was shaking as I finished my glass of water; there's no turning back. After my 'stagnant' post I called my nurse to see when I should be seen next. She told me the RE wanted to do Femara (a drug used to treat breast cancer that incidentally causes eggs to mature), a trigger shot (HCG (hormone)- derived from Chinese hamsters; that makes you release egg(s), and an IUI (interuterine insemination). I was FREAKED OUT! When we first saw RE in August she said we could try 3 rounds of clomid before moving onto IUI. Come to find out RE doesn't do any clomid cycles; to do the clomid cycles you have to see your regular gyno. So I was all a twitter and making everyone crazy trying to decide what to do!
I am unprepared (emotionally) to do an IUI. That seems so final to me, and doing it would mean accepting that we are infertile. I didn't realize that this would be so hard for me. I guess
I really need that buffer of clomid. Doing IUI just seems like a brief stop on the way to IVF-ville...the last stop on the Babytown Railway. I want the least amount of help possible. I'm not ready to conceive my baby in a doctor's office. Maybe this sounds silly to you; sometimes it sounds silly to me, but I need to do the clomid for my peace of mind.
So after much debate, and conferring with my nurse again I decided to try clomid. I called my gyno in the nick of time...I had to take the first pill on day 5 of my cycle, and I called on day 5 to get it...then waited forever for Wal-Mart to fill it! *Side note* I heart Wal-Mart. I know a lot of people hate them for numerous reasons, but you can buy clomid for $9! Fertility drugs aren't covered by my insurance, so clomid would cost me around $50 at Walgreen's, etc. I am taking clomid days 5-9, then having an ultrasound and blood work on day 21 to check for ovulation and cysts. If it's going to work I should ovulate on day 14 so we'll see (I am not hopeful that this dosage will work.)
If it doesn't work, and it may not (many women with PCOS are clomid resistant) then we will regroup. I can't say that I don't have my reservations: clomid can cause adverse effects on the uterine lining, toxic cervical mucous, hot flashes, migraines, dizziness, mood-swings AND it might not even work! I'm also afraid of getting cysts. These happen when you ovulate, but the follicle containing the egg isn't reabsorbed my the body and begins to grow. These bad-boys delay any other cycles because they can produce hormones that interfere with drugs. There is so much room for doubt with every decisions, and so much second-guessing. Overall, I'm glad I'm doing the clomid...I'll leave no stone unturned.