Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Platitudes

Main Entry: plat·i·tude Pronunciation: 'pla-t&-"tüd, -"tyüdFunction: nounEtymology: French, from plat flat, dull1 : the quality or state of being dull or insipid 2 : a banal, trite, or stale remark

Platitudes seem to be the currency of infertility. Here are a few of my favorites (and we've barely begun our journey): don't worry until there's something to worry about, doctors know best, don't borrow trouble, it's not like you have cancer or are dying, at least you have each other, and you can always adopt.

I know that people don't really know what to say, and I try to be understanding BUT sometimes I want to SCREAM "You've never been through this don't tell me how to think/react!" Infertility can be as difficult as death, but sometimes even more so because I think a lot of people suffer in silence. There seems to be a sense of shame or even a stigma about infertility (I promise it's not contagious!). It's hard because you are the only one grieving for a child that has never even existed.

My dad actually said the thing that has helped me the most. I suppose you could call it the non platitude! He told me that, "God had a plan for me long before I was even born, and that He already knew exactly how all this was going to end." I know that to some people this would be a source of despair, but it has brought comfort to me. Knowing that someone (if you can call God a someone) has control of this situation is sometimes the only thing that gets me through. When I first thought about my purpose and God's plan for me I only thought in negative terms...that perhaps God didn't want me to have children. Gradually, I began to think differently. Maybe God saw my gifts, and knew that I have the patience and the perseverance to go through infertility. Maybe my path to children is different because of who I am, not something I had done and needed to be punished for. Maybe God knows that my heart is so big that I could adopt African orphans and love them as my own. Maybe He knows that my marriage and my faith is strong enough to endure and flourish. Maybe He knows I can help others who are going through the same thing.

I know that to some mentioning God is the ultimate platitude, but as with all platitudes there lies truth and wisdom. Maybe reinterpreting them makes them non platitudes.