Eviction Notice

Inhabitants of Left and Right Ovary:

I am formally evicting you; only one (1) of you MUST leave this month. You have seven (7) days to completely evacuate the above stated ovaries. Seven days should be enough time for at least one (1) of you to mature and leave the ovary.


This is for your own good. I am not evicting you and leaving you without a new home. In fact there is a fallopian tube waiting for you when you leave, as well as a travel companion that your father will provide. THEN you have deeee-luxe accommodations in my uterus, which will now be referred to as 740 Park Avenue (Google it-is there anywhere better to live!?). Unfortunately, you will also be evicted from 740 Park as well, but only after you have spent a delightful forty (40) weeks there.

To be completely frank, mom and dad would like you to come out. I promise you we are really great. You can't even imagine how much everyone loves you already. Grandma JB can't wait to meet you and play with you! She's really great at pretending to be an 'animal mommy' and reading books a thousand times just because you love them! Grandpa MT wants to teach you how to drive and ski, he'll take you on sledding trips you'll never forget, he'll read books into a tape recorder so you can always hear his voice! Grandma JT will make you an AMAZING cobbler made with fruit and a cake mix that you will dream about for the rest of your life, she can't wait to share her love of music, teach you about God, and watch Disney movies with you! Great grandma S will love you to death, and be tickled and fascinated by everything you do. Great grandpa L will teach you how to golf like a champ! You have a PawPaw waiting for you who is great in times of need and crisis. He will most likely make you your first drink or try to give you beer in a bottle, but we'll make sure you don't drink it!!! He may also try to use your formula for coffee creamer, but he will tell you the best stories about dad. You have an aunt and uncle who will adore you beyond words. Your aunt will love to babysit you and do all kinds of craft projects with you, and will love to teach you how to play soccer. You uncle will have you playing video games before you are out of diapers, but he is also incredibly creative and I'm sure with his cooking experience will be able to make you a mean bottle. You will have second cousins galore that will love you, and spoil you too. You have mom's friends who are dying to meet you: Lil is a rock among women she will always be fiercely loyal to you and protect you if I can't, Em will make sure you are eternally chic, just like she is, she will always listen and commiserate with you, she is a shelter in a storm and will always love you, M. will spoil you rotten, she has a big wide open heart, she will stand up for you when others think you are crazy, she will show you what kind of person you are when you doubt yourself, C. this is mom's guy friend he will give you hope, share his eternal optimism, and love you for who you are always even when others turn against you, Meg will show you what it means to have true strength and moxy, Kathy- this woman is a dynamo, and will tell it to you straight if you need advice, she's raised 2 wonderful children so she knows what she's talking about!

Now I'm sure you're very curious about us. Dad is the best man I have ever met. He will show you love through his words, but more importantly through his actions. He will sacrifice for you. He will always give you the last bite of food if you want it. He will always make you laugh, he's very silly. When he asked me to marry him I thought of you and what kind of father he would be for you. He will put us before himself. He will stick. He wants to teach you how to throw a football, and wants to make you a DOOKIE, but that is something I can not allow, sorry!

As for me I think my friendships are a testament to my character and what kind of mother I will be to you. I feel uncomfortable telling you how wonderful I am so you will hear it from Lil. She says, "i don't think i ever realized that i would actually love a friend like i love my best friend. i care about her in a way that hurts me when she hurts. i find comfort in the maturity that is our friendship. of course, i also find comfort in knowing she doesn't judge me for my jimmy choos and i don't judge her for her christian louboutins. we do still vividly daydream about getting even with exes, joke about crazy friends and very much enjoy useless and childish celebrity gossip. afterall, friendship can't be all serious all the time. friends are meant to make each other laugh, even through tears. and trust me, no one makes me laugh like she does." I hope you think I pass the muster, too. I will be humbled to be your mom.


Love,
Mom