Hope and Other Four Letter Words

Tomorrow is our first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist (RE). I am a bit excited, but overall I am a nervous wreck.

It's funny how things change. I never thought I would praying for a chance, just a chance, to get pregnant. My friend Lil and I often have conversations about what our 21 year-old selves would say to one another in particular situations. This one would go something like this:

Me: Like, omigod, what if I can't get pg? I mean like I'm totally healthy and stuff I mean I like get my period and stuff, right?

Lil: Yeah, you'll totally get pg the first time you try. I mean like doesn't everybody. It's only like those old hags that have trouble. Why do you want to have little cretins like that anyway...uh how would you go and stuff?

Me: Omigod, you are so right we could never go out. Nobody likes drunk moms, and I would like get totally fat! EWWWWWWW, gross. Besides my mom got pg when she was like 40...no big deal. By then we could like find rich older hsubands too.

Lil: Amen to that! Then you could like buy a baby, right!

Now, here I am getting ready to go to an RE, and Lil is afraid she has endometriosis.

I am happy that we will get some answers! I also want a plan, something tangible to hold onto. I don't want to feel like we're circus freaks anymore. I want the RE to tell us that she has seen similar cases, and that there is hope.

Hope is a funny thing. The dictionary defines hope (verb) to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. Although a common idiom 'hope against hope' means to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it. What is it going to be for me?

Will the semen analysis reveal that there are enough sperm to do a process called ICSI? Will my ultrasound reveal a normal uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries? Can MH's condition be completely reversed through hormone therapy, and allow us to have a baby for "free?" Do I have hope or should I be hoping against hope?